There were a handful of years during my childhood where my parents didn't want me playing video games because they thought that they were, quote, "rotting my brain". So in an attempt to prevent my God-fearing eyeballs from witnessing the horrors of Mortal Kombat, Grand Theft Auto, and fuckin' Kirby Air Ride, they banned video games in our household.
Flash Games Platforms
So by the power invested in the Father, the Son, and the Holy shit I played a fuckton of
flash games! I'm talking Miniclip. I'm talking AddictingGames.com. I'm talking AddictingGames.com. I'm talking Coolmath-Games.com. I'm talking Coolmath-Games.com. And whenever I knew my parents weren't gonna walk into the room -- Anyone there? No? Okay! -- I'm typing out the words "newgrounds.com". No console? No problem! You got a computer with a decent internet connection? Go ahead and say enchanté to some flash games! Or maybe you got a computer with a dial-up connection but also 4 hours to spare. Say enchanté, I- I says it to the flash game, I says enchanté! To my young and beautiful dumb brain, this was the greatest all-you-can-eat buffet of every genre I could imagine. Or not imagine.
Fun Game
I was not aware that topical George Bush shooters would be so fun but all in favor of getting W back in office so we can have more of these say "aye". On the one side of the
flash game spectrum, you had a bunch of crappy games that just copied pre-existing gameplay formulas but in a real dogshit type of way. But on the other side of the flash game spectrum, you had games that were wholly unique to the flash game medium and turned weird new concepts into addicting games and turned weird new concepts into addicting games (AddictingGames.com) that you would never anticipate to be so goddamn fun. You got shit like Interactive Buddy, a game about interacting with your buddy.
Puzzle Games
The Impossible Quiz, an interactive puzzle where you gotta think outside the box and literally move the cursor outside of the box! Internet Explorer definitely had an identity crisis with this one! Bow Man, a stupid simple game that brilliantly uses the mouse to aim your bow and you can even play this shit in
VERSUS MODE!? WHAT THE Who gives a crud if I don't have a console, mom? Me and Ricky are playing Bow Man till we DIE. Or whenever his mom comes to pick him up at 8.30. Obviously whichever comes first. The best flash games weren't always flashy (pun intended) but were simple, stripped down, and relied mostly on just how fun the core gameplay idea could be. Like a game where you only use a single input to control a fricking helicopter that is so goddammn addicting that is so goddamn addicting (AddictingGames.com) that you play it deep into your high school years because you found out it was one of the few game sites that wasn't blocked by the school's firewall. Class of 2013, Bison, let's roll. Or a game where you're a fricking monkey throwing ninja assassin blades at a bunch of Bloons. Or a game where you're launching a fucken kitten out of a cannon, Jesus Christ, this game is definitely rated R And this isn't to say that there weren't incredibly polished and pretty flash games like Fancy Pants Adventures or Crimson Room, 'cause there definitely were.
Line Rider
I'm just saying that, you know, obviously Line Rider doesn't have as many polygons and shader cortex values and hacked mainframes as other games that
came out in 2006. But which one of these did I play more? Line Rider or Oblivion? Uh, yeah, Line Rider, DUH. Also, I didn't have an Xbox 360 or a computer powerful enough to play Oblivion, so... But I would have played Line Rider anyway, so get off my back! Ow, you're hurting- You're HURTING me, ow, OW! But even when you compare some flash games to their console competitors, it's still super inspiring and impressive as spit to see what some people made because in the history of video games, few things have given independent hot boys and gamer girls the tools to create and share something totally unique like Macromedia Flash did. And guess what, stinky butt? Sorry, a lot of the flash- a lot of the best flash games ended up turning into super succesful console versions as well. Shit like VVVVVV, Super Meat Boy, Trials. All of these games proved that they had solid enough game design to hang with the big boys even though they started out as just "dinky flash games". But naturally, things change. The internet changes. My t-shirt just changed. And the heyday of flash games naturally came to an end because something else became much more accessible and commonplace. Mobile games. And this isn't necessarily a sad or bad thing because the short-form, pick-up-and-play nature of most flash games fits the
mobile platform perfectly. Here's a fun riddle for ya: What's the biggest difference between Copter and Flappy Bird? Canabalt was a flash game that played a key role in establishing the endless runner genre.
